Swimming, soccer, dance, ballet, gymnastics, skating, skiing, riding, baseball, hockey, sailing, piano, golf…….I am exhausted just writing this list, much less doing it. These are the activities my 3 kids are cumulatively interested in, but of course they can’t do them all. So as a parent, how do you expose your kids to activities to see if they like them, and hopefully hit on one or two that will be lifelong pursuits, without overdoing it? What if my son is a budding Tiger Woods and we’ll never know if I don’t get him signed up for golf lessons?
I have had good luck so far with my 2 daughters (ages 6 and 8 now) as far as only doing two activities at a time. That has meant piano all year round for my 8 year old, with soccer in the fall, skating in the winter, and swimming in the summer. Now she wants to continue with other activities that might bump the count up to three at one time - I am tempted to do it, my husband disagrees. I have read all of the articles about today’s over-scheduled kids and how they need more down-time, but what if your kid desperately wants to participate in the activities? What do you think? How much is too much?
July 29th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
Totally understand what you’re saying! I think if the child has the energy to keep an active schedule, then mom & dad will have to grab a box of RAVE/RED BULL from COSTCO! I tried the 5 lesson/week for one child (6 yrs old) while dragging 2 little ones (3 & 1) along and it was EXHAUSTING! Luckily this only last for 8 weeks and my child didn’t like 2 of 4 activities. I’m hoping to sign up the two younger ones together to try different activities to ease the chauffeuring or book an activity (i.e. swimming) around the same time for everyone. Who says stay home moms have nothing to do each day!
July 29th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
This was my problem when I was growing up. I was always interested in SOO many things and my parents neither had the time nor the money to do all of them–or even most of them! What I think made the experiment successful was that when I found a couple of activities that I was successful at and enjoyed, they stopped looking for new things to try out–or at least, on a full-time basis. I ended up in a professional children’s choir, ballet, tap, gymnastics and Girl Scouts. I tried T-ball and softball but wasn’t that inclined towards sports–plus, since we played them in gym class, I had a pretty good idea which sports I would like to participate in. And then over the summer, when parents need their kids in something anyway while they’re working, I got to try out some of the other activities that they thought I might enjoy. I got to be on a summer swim team and went to art camp, for example. In this way, I DID get exposed to a lot of different types of activities and figured out which ones I wanted to stick with.
And really, what if they don’t get to try every activity available in their youth? That’s what makes adulthood fun–being able to try something you’ve never tried. Next on my list is skiing, something I never had the opportunity to do growing up!!
My husband and I are planning to use this strategy with our son when he gets older (starts walking!). Hope this helps!
July 29th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
You have them pick one. Whatever they are interested in at the time is what they are able to do. I have my kids on swim team year round, my sister has her kids play piano. She would love to do swim but piano is their “thing”. If the next season comes and they want to change get rid of the other. My sister has also let one kid per season play, the others have to support the one playing. Unless they are all in the same sport as my kids are all in swimming. It definitely helps with family peace having only one activity (even if there are two or three practices) a week.
July 30th, 2008 at 1:30 am
You should let your kids take part in as many activities as they are interested in. If its too much for them, they’ll quit- they’ll quit the sport(s) they KNOW are not for them and will continue to pursue the ones they excell in. It will be a learning experience for them if its too much to handle- because later on in life they need to budget their time to maximize productivity;and they cant do this until they realize what their own skills and abilities are. On the other hand, if they DO manage to participate and excell in all sports they’re taking part in- well then you’ll have discovered your childs limitless potential.
July 31st, 2008 at 11:46 am
Why is there so much pressure to put children in organized activities as the only means to pursue an interest? It’s not the only way to learn and develop an interest. I agree with Tracy (above) by having your children pick one or two organized activities at a time. As for their other interests, teach children to pursue it independently and provide an outlet to do so. A child doesn’t have to be on a soccer team to play soccer - play together as a family, encourage them to get the neighbourhood kids together, take out books from the library on soccer players or techniques (and practice them).
As a teacher and parent, I fear that our students/children are lacking the skills in following their interests independently. There is a drawback in setting everything up for them: they don’t learn to organize, how to look up their own information, how to start a project (whether independent or group-focused).
As our little guy grows, my husband and I have decided that we are going to actually severely limit organized activites. Instead, we are going to encourage interests by either doing it as a family, push the kids out the door to find others and organize themselves, or point them to the resources that they have to pick up on themselves.
The world if full of people with extremely modest means, who cannot afford to pay for a milieu of activities. Their children are developed, talented, resourceful, and happy. In our privilege, we can learn a lesson from simplicity.
August 1st, 2008 at 6:42 am
I agree that more than two activities for each child, especially if you have two or more children, is too much!
I haven’t seen anyone mention the stress this puts on the parent who is taking there children to and from all of these activities. I have learned by seeing some of my friends who have their children in so many activities that they don’t have enough time to just hang out and be a family. There tends to be a little too much rushing, which usually leads to whining, and bad moods. I have made it a priority to teach my children that it is okay to relax some, and to be content with not being busy all of the time. Our kids need time to read, and play games, and with the schedules of a long school day, homework, reading, activities, etc…, sometimes it may be a little too much.
I say, stick with just a couple,and enjoy some down time!!!
August 1st, 2008 at 1:05 pm
my mom dose TO MUCH she is the best mom in the wrold but she just needs to chill
August 1st, 2008 at 2:41 pm
I am 13 years old and play one sport that takes up almost all of
my time. I play travel softball and my schools vollyball team. My softball te is number one in Michigan so we travel ALL over the state every weekend and practices 2-3 times a week one hour away. So my family is very busy but my sister plays too so that just doubles everything. But I know exactly what you mean.
August 2nd, 2008 at 3:30 pm
I am also 13 years old and I’m very busy. I do school volleyball, basketball, and softball. I also do traveling volleyball and basketball which takes up every weekend for about 4 months. I also take piano lessons year round and I’m in the band at my school. I also find plenty of time for other activities. I think that kids should have a say for how much they want to do because I love being busy. A couple of years ago I even threw in gymnastics and swimming to the mix. I knew then that it was getting to be to much and so i told my parent’s and they had me finish the year and then i didn’t sign up next year. Trust me if your kids think they are too busy they will tell you or you will know by the way they are acting.
August 6th, 2008 at 10:21 am
I have three kids, two boys ages 15 and 8, and a girl age 5. My husband and I agreed early on that we would limit activities to three for each child and would consider more if they occured with less frequency, ie monthly or biweekly or if all of them could do it at the same time.
This is our first year with all the kids going to school full-time and all of them are in transitional grades. That means that there will be more homework, more responsibility and more vigilance from me to keep them on track.
Both my boys are on the local swim team and gymnastics. The older one will also be taking art lessons and the younger one will continue with violin lessons. Number two is also in Cub Scouts but our den only meets once a month. Little One is in ballet, cheer dance, gymnastics and Daisy Scouts (which also meets once a month). The trick to it all is that she is doing these things while big brothers swim right next door. Otherwise, she wouldn’t get to do it all.
We made sure that those activities occur between 3:00 p.m. and 7:00 p.m. That allows us to have a sit-down family dinners and get the little ones to bed by 8:00 p.m. Also, I made sure to budget appropriate homework time every day for the kids: 15 minutes for the Kindergartener, 45 mins for the 3rd grader, and 1 hr for the 8th grader. Even if there is no homework, they are to go over notes, read, practice handwriting, whatever is needed to keep them in the habit of studying.
The other thing that my husband and I made sure we gave the kids when making the schedule was free time every day to decompress, to play with friends or whatever else they choose. It was a tall order to fit all of that into the week but we did it, leaving weekends free for the family.
As far as exposing kids to all manner of things and activities, well, we decided to give ourselves a chance to get to know the strengths and likes of each child before plunging them into a sport or activity. For the 15 year old, it took us a long while. The others, less so. The way we look at it is, we can guide them to something they are good at when they are little so that they feel good at accomplishing and doing their best. As they mature, we can support them finding and exploring new ventures, having had the experience already of being successful at something else. And I believe that is a better lesson than putting them in tons of different activities, never sticking long enough to see if success can be attained.
August 7th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
I have 4 school-age kids and scheduling activities is a nightmare. They all want to try everything, and June this year I was wiped out and had moody, miserable kids and family time/downtime was non-existant. I refuse to put my family through this any longer. Starting this Fall, homework is the top priority and everything has to fit in around it. I’m limiting each child to one activity, otherwise it’s impossible for us.
August 7th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
I really do believe that in our society that parents and children are overscheduled. I allow the children to have one activity ( they get to choose ) at a time so there is time for homework, rest and family sit down meals. I make a habit of having at least 5 sit down family meals a week. I make our schedule structured and post a dry erase calendar in our dining room so that we can all write down our activities for the month and it helps us not to overschedule ( at least most of the time ). It also leaves everyone to be accountable for not scheduling something and having to be at two places at once. I believe focusing on one activity at a time helps them focus on that one thing and not be too overwhelmed with having to make time to work on the others.
August 8th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
What about school?? Shouldn’t this be the number one activity!! If kids are involved in to
many activities the will get tired, stressed out and not have time for homework. With a lot of activities there is no family time or bored time. Kids need to be bored sometimes so they can create and play. They need to know how to entertain themselves. One or two activities is more than enough. If school work falls the activities need to go. We are a country that talks about valuing education but we never put it first.
August 9th, 2008 at 11:53 pm
Well, i think its up to the kids though.its not good forcing them to do what they dont like.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:59 am
Hi,
I am a mother of four children and I certainly feel your pain! My husband travels constantly so I am the primary chauffer in our household.
What I have told my children is that they are only allowed to be in two activities per season. One activity is Boy Scouts and that is firm. The other they choose themselves.
It has worked so far- my kids are 12,10,8 and 6.
The only exception is my third son- he has a passion for both swimming and karate and he excels at both.
I allowed him to do both so long as his grades didn’t suffer. He did well. He took the summer off from swimming to play both in-house and tournament baseball.
Remember, kids need time OFF to just vegetate. It’s ok for them to be bored, watch tv, hang out and play video games. My kids love to run around the woods and neighborhood with their friends and catch all sorts of “critters”.
Keep in mind how you feel running around all the time- the stress that you feel. Is that fair to put the same stress on an 8 year old?
One other thing- Summer is a great time to try some different activities. Our town has golf lessons, day camps that offer a tremendous range of things to try. We even have a scrapbook store that has classes for kids!
So take a breather and do not feel that you have to “keep up with the Jones’s” when it comes to activities for your kids. You and your brood will be happier in the long run.
August 12th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
I have four children and I completely agree with Ginny. There is only so much children can handle, and it is ok for them to be bored and be given the time to entertain themselves. I also have four children 10,8,3,1, and there is a level of stress that is not necessary to place on the family as a whole. Take time to enjoy the family while they are still around to enjoy each other. Let them experience life, but also, let them experience family and personal time as well.
August 21st, 2008 at 12:05 am
I am 17 years old and I agree with Therie on what she says. From 10 years old to 16, i was in a Jujitsu class that i liked only for about the first two years and after that, i really DIDN’T like it, but my parents made me go even though they knew i pretty much hated it, because they wanted me to stick to something.
Another thing, is when i was in fifth grade i was overschedualed. I had choir, band, Juijitsu, piano and school and most of these happened almost everyday. Luckily choir and band were at my school, but that still required practice after school, but Jujitsu and piano were after school as well, so i was exhausted from these activities plus school and homework. I quit piano and choir, but i liked band, but i was forced to quit. When a kid wants to take something, let them, if they don’t like it, let them quit. They’re still trying things out and at 17, i still am. I am interested in Kendo, but i’m sure my parents wouldn’t be into it because i quit everything else, even though back then i was still trying it out. Kids should have the freedom to choose what they want to do (within reason). If your kid wants to do ballet, but wants to quit, say, soccer. Let them. They will thank you for it later on and it will save a lot of family arguments and anger, not to mention stress. We know more then you give us credit for, so go with it please.