The answer is no.
Using “or else” as a punishment option definitely isn’t an effective way to get kids to behave according to your family’s standards, but I often struggle in the moment when my kids are acting out. I think what works best for my kids is to give one (I mean one!) warning, letting them know what the consequences will be if they continue to misbehave, and then if they continue, follow through!
I think what drives home the message most clearly with my kids is to have the punishment fit the crime, for lack of a better phrase. This is easier with younger kids, however; for example, if my daughter drew on the wall as a toddler, I would take her crayons away. But what about when my son is hitting his sister repeatedly or my daughter is talking back to me? I usually will try top pick something that will really impact them, ie, no TV or computer time that day - or for a few days, depending on how bad their behavior was.
Article continues below...
Advertisement
Following through when it comes to disciplining your kids is equally important, as is making sure all adults who discipline your kids (spouses, grandparent, sitter) are on the same page. A case in point was earlier this summer when my daughter had a friend over and they had totally trashed the second floor and were outraged when they were told they had to pick everything up. I heard my husband say (well, actually, he may have been yelling), “If you girls don’t clean this up right now, you will never have a playdate again!” What was wrong with this scenario? 1. Ridiculous punishment. 2. The girls knew this would never happen. I hope he is reading this blog right now :-).
The bottom line is keep your cool, establish clear rules with your kids, discipline your kids calmly, follow through and pick punishments that fit the lapse in behavior.
How do you avoid using “or else” when you discipline your kids?
08.19.08 @ 9:43 am
The point to remember in raising children - if you cannot discipline a toddler, what makes you think you will ever be able to discipline a 16 year old? The time to be consistent and mean what you say is when the child is young - not a teenager or tween!
08.19.08 @ 10:00 am
Hi Rachel, I was watching the show with leah and her daughter. I am the grandmother of two little boys, Chase4and Cedar 2. I took both off the bottle at about 16-17 months. We went out of town for both, taking them out of a normal routine helps, and I slept with them the first couple off nights. By the third not problem. Love the show.
08.19.08 @ 10:01 am
Hi Rachel,
I was watching the show with Leah and her daughter. I am the grandmother of two little boys, Chase 4 and Cedar 2. I took both off the bottle at about 16-17 months. We went out of town for both, taking them out of a normal routine helps, and I slept with them the first couple off nights. By the third not problem.
Love the show.
08.19.08 @ 10:33 am
This is Jantina #2 I use the 5 countdown method. I start at 5 and I rarely get down to one. I find it better than giving 3 strikes. My kids know that when I get to 1, punishment will ensue and that is restriction of friends, privileges taken away, and so on. We live in the country so privileges are their lifeline, lol. It works for me
!
08.19.08 @ 3:07 pm
Hey Rachael,
I am a grandmother, raising 2 boys full time, Steven, 11 months and Dakota is 3 1/2 years old. I too have a 3 1/2 year old still on the bottle. We had tried to break him before the second baby came along but with bottles in the house all the time he just picks 1 up and starts sucking on it.
I saw the show with Leah Remini and it sounds so much like me and my husband, he is stronger than I am and I break down and give Dakota the bottle because I am so tired of the screaming and crying and he knows how to get to me by doing that.
This morning he woke me up crying and wanting a bottle but I held out and listened to the screaming and crying for about an hour and offered him 3 different sippy cups to drink out of and he finally quit crying and eventually got thirsty and asked for a cup.
I still break down and give him a bottle for his nap to get him to go to sleep, that is my time to get the baby down for a nap and have some quiet time to myself. Thank you for having shows like that one so we grandmothers becoming moms for the second go around in child rearing can handle the moments that we had forgotten the first 2 times around. My 2 grandsons are the children to my oldest of 2 daughters, ages 24 and 21.
08.21.08 @ 9:09 pm
my 7 year old step son is a hand full, but we have started a rewards program with him, and his allowence is based on how good he is every day, and if he has a really bad day, he can loose all the good marks he has for the week, we took him to the store and he found something he really wanted, so we told him he had to save his good money to get it, we have not had hardly any problems with him after starting this program, he gets paid one time a month, and it has made a huge difference with him. Love the show I watch everyday!!!!!
08.24.08 @ 1:23 am
It is very difficult to figure out how to correctly discipline a child especially as they go into the teen years
09.21.08 @ 8:50 pm
We use the 1-2-3 Magic Method and it works most times. I will add minutes to time-outs also, which also seems to be effective. I’ve also tried to take away privledges like taking away riding toys and favorite toys. This doesn’t always work, but seems to drive the point home when I need it to. I don’t think any of us will ever get it right 100% of the time!!