Dear Pet Lovers,
I have a nine year old Lab who is the sweetest, most affectionate (aka, pathetically needy) dog ever. We got him as a puppy, pre-children, and he was truly our baby. I came home from work to walk him. I talked about him constantly. I showed people photos of him (clearly ready to have children:-)). I even had puppy playdates.
Here we are, nine years and three kids later, and he has unfortunately fallen to low man on the totem pole position. I love him dearly, but wish I had more time to lavish him with affection like the old days. My kids love him/tolerate him, depending on the day.
One issue with my sweet and lovable dog is that many of my kids’ friends do not have pets and their opinions on dogs range from dislike to extreme terror. Two friends will not even come in the house until he is safely out of sight, which means I often put him outside, even though he would much rather hang with the group. I try letting the friend(s) give him a dog treat or I have him lie down quietly so they can pet him, but often even these attempts do not help the situation and I end up putting him outside again, and feeling sorry for him!
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Help,
Concerned Mom
Dear “Mom”,
It seems like this could be a perfect opportunity to show children how sweet a dog can be and teach them not to be afraid. Many times it’s just because the children are not familiar with dogs that causes the fear.
Don’t forget-it is important to remind kids to always ask the pet owner if it is okay to pet a dog before running up and making contact (some dogs really are not that friendly with strangers).
08.27.08 @ 11:46 am
Dear Concerned Mom,
We have a similar situation, except that not only is our Chesapeake Bay Retriever a larger baby than my 1 year old, but he smiles to boot, so he looks like he is snarling, when really he is just so happy to have people around. No doubt that in my opinion these children that are so terrified of animals need to see there is no reason to fear the animal and try to introduce where it is comfortable for the child. I know it helps for them to see that on my command the dog does anything (sit, stay, fetch, etc).
If the child is still fearful, it might be better to have your child play at their house. My children come before our beloved four legged animals…but their friends don’t have to!
08.27.08 @ 3:59 pm
Dear Lady,
I was told by my Father many years ago,a dog knows if your afraid of him,so ask the children to let the dog smell their hand first
and that has always work for me,ever since I was little.My Dad knew eveything there was to know about a dog,because he had one when he was a child.
08.29.08 @ 3:42 pm
Dear Concerned Mom,
In our family we have more dogs than people. 5 Labs to 4 Humans. We got all our dogs before our kids were born, also. The oldest dog doesn’t like my son but LOVES my daughter.
We have the same problem but ours is the opposite one dog doesn’t like my 8 yr old nephew at all, she sees him and runs the other way. She is timid around strange & familiar people. I’ve tried letting him give her treats but she doesn’t take them.
I would let the kids give your dog treats or teach them some tricks he can do. I am in the process of teaching my son (he’s 4) to do tricks with our dogs, he LOVES it and all the dogs get exercise. You could also have some kids over to make dog treats for him or their own dogs if they have any.
09.02.08 @ 11:14 am
you might want to try going to this website http://www.living withkidsanddogs.com. Also http://www.doggonesafe.com has lots of great info on kids and dogs and bite prevention along with a great board game (Doggone Safe) and lots of tips
I think if you know that the kids who are afraid of dogs are coming over, it might be best to put your dog somewhere else, with something great to do…..a stuffed kong, a big marrow bone. Give him some attention and exercise before they come over.
Knowing which kids are coming over when might require more scheduling than you are accustomed to, but this seems more like a management situation than a training one. and then the parents might not want you to teach their kids to be comfortable around dogs. They may be uncomfortable too
If you are feeling you are not giving him enough attention, do you have time for some late night or very early morning walks with him, or ten minutes of fetch in the yard, he’s older, doesn’t need much so that would make him quite happy……. and good chill out time for you too!
Hope this helps!
09.02.08 @ 3:29 pm
Hi!
I have always had dogs that were very friendly to children, but my latest doesn’t like them at all. If they are teens she is fine, but the little ones freak her out and she barks at them. They run up to her and I think she is frightened of them, altho her tail is wagging. I think before I got her tooooooo many little ones picked her up and may have frightened or hurt her. She is very cute and little so they may have thought of her as a toy. I think the best thing is to educate children that dogs/cats/etc. are living creatures and should be treated with respect and kindness. I guess if I were my dog I would not one of those little people running up to me screaming and grabbing either.
09.04.08 @ 3:38 am
In response to the children afraid of dogs the last thing I would do is put my dogs outside.. They are part of our family and I would never have a dog that was a threat to anyone.. I just tell kids that come over to visit my children to leave the dogs alone if they are not comfortable with them..More often than not the dogs win them over on there own..We have 2 labs and a pug and they are very irrasistable….
09.04.08 @ 1:19 pm
I have a five year old daughter who had some strict guidelines to learn before she was allowed to even pet our dog. We have a Pit Bull/Weimaraner mix, and he has learned to obey his commands, whoever issues them. One think I taught him early was that he should sit or drop if he wants attention, and if he doesn’t get it, he usually goes on and entertains himself. Two things have been indespensible in his training: he is used to having his leash on in the house, and he was very, very socialized. Wearing a leash inside may sound mean, but he drags it behind him and it never seems to get in the way while still giving me a readily accessible means of getting him off or away from nervous people, and it is convenient just to step on if he wanders. If these children are afraid to the point that you have to keep your dog outside, regardless of his behavior, I would make the kids play outside before I possibly sent the message to my dog that, even sleeping, he’s in trouble for having company in his home. The more iteraction he has, the wider variety the interactions, the less excited your dog should be. Are there any K-9 playmates that could come over to play with your dog when the frightened children are there, turning banishment into a fun and rewarding experience?
09.06.08 @ 11:22 am
Mom,
Our 75 pound Samoyed was 15 years old when our daughter was born. We were in LOVE. He passed away shortly before my daughter’s 1st birthday. She was just fascinated with our first baby, but he was truly affected by her and we could not trust them together. No matter how loving and gentle a dog is, it is still an animal and os unpredictable. An animal will react to a child’s behavior and demeanor. If you want your friends and their families to socialize with you, then your pet will have to live in its animal world while you interact with your fellow humans. Just try to keep your perspective and make sure that your pet is well cared for and comfortable.
09.06.08 @ 2:46 pm
I completely sympathize. One of my children’s friends is TERRIFIED! I read the response from the person who said that she would never put her dog outside. My response to that is that my dog doesn’t like being near the child who screams whenever the dog is near. So, I give her a break as well.
However, in our case this didn’t really help much. At one point, the dog was lying outside in the sun and the child started screaming because the dog was “looking at me”.
Unfortunately, this child simply doesn’t come to our house very often. We either go to their home or we meet at a park nearby. I have been very honest with her mom about the difficulty. Now I feel that it is her responsibility to help her child overcome this fear. I have also made it clear that we (my family, including our dog) are willing to help if we can.
09.08.08 @ 5:06 pm
Hi Rachel Ray we just moved to Vermont from California but have no place for our pitbull because we are staying with my husbands parents condo and they want us to bring our dog to the pound. Can you help us place a home for her? She is 1 1/2 years old and it breaks our hearts to get rid of her for we have no home right now.. we have two teenagers and no jobs right now. I heard you just love pitbulls. Linda
09.09.08 @ 9:30 am
Dear concerned Mom: this is very common in busy household and dogs often become the after thought after having kids. But as a dog trainer I have found that one of the best ways to create interest in the dog with the children is to teach tricks.
Tricks are very easy to teach when you use positive reinforcement methods of training; children can teach as well. Once your dog can do a couple of tricks the children usually have a heightened interest.
They like to show off the dog and this in turn creates a “wow cool dog” effect with friends. It can also help to break the ice so to speak with children who are apprehensive.
Give it a try.
k9sherri
09.10.08 @ 10:05 am
Dear Mom,
I train animals for a living and a couple of things happened here. First, your dog doesn’t know his place. Unfortunately now it’s would be very hard to teach it, but by putting your dog outside you alienate him and make him MORE needy. So the next time those kids come back he reeeealy wants their attention. It’s just like ignoring your kids, it only works for so long before it’s easier just answer their question and move on. If your dog knows a sit a stay command you could try putting him in a corner he feels comfortable in, preferably right in the middle of the action, and make him stay there. Eventually (over time) he will get bored with the whole thing and move on. Don’t let him. Make him stay there until you tell him to leave. And if all else fails, send your kids to the friends house and not yours, then the dog can just exist. I myself have two working dogs that are not friendly and I mean NOT friendly, but I can put them in the middle of anything with a stop/stay and they won’t move. It’s all about consistency. Hope that helps!
09.11.08 @ 10:50 am
Rather than banishing your dog to the yard, perhaps you could contain him in a specific “safe” room and put a baby gate up in the doorway. That way he can still see/hear what is going on, can have limited interaction with the humans and not feel as though he is being punished.
The information given for some one-on-one time between you and your dog was very good. Just plan on a walk through the neighborhood early morning or in the evening, or a game of fetch in the yard for 10-15 minutes will let your pup know that you are still there for him.
09.11.08 @ 10:51 pm
Rach, I just came across this on Jen Lancaster(Bitter is the New Black author)’s website. I know that you love dogs, I have a 90 lb lab at home, and think the world of them. I saw this new law that is trying to be passed where any Pit in Ohio will be euthanized. I’m outraged!!! I’ve signed my name and am keeping my fingers crossed that this assine law does not go into effect.
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/hb-568-ohio-pit-bull-ban
09.17.08 @ 9:38 am
I love this blog! I dress all three of my girls (2 cats & one golden retriever) up in costumes too! They are not happy but they at least sit for a minute long enough for me to snap a picture…
09.19.08 @ 11:54 am
I live in a “destination” town in Vermont. One of my neighbors is a second homeowner who comes up on weekends and holidays. Our children are friends and one of them is blindly terrified of the dog - for no reason her parents can define.
Let me assure you that terror does not think and it does not stop to reason out the situation. She had run screaming up the stairs from the basement because someone had let the dog in from the down there, slammed the door, and was holding it. She let go of the door and I opened it to give the direction to please let the dog back out and she ran at the door and slammed it - almost on my head (a very small fraction of an inch saved me)!
All I can say is that I will do my best to accommodate both the dog and the child. But in the end it’s my dog’s house! And that child at times will either deal, or go home. But don’t ever put yourself in the position I was in when I almost had my head cracked open by a terrified child! I think over time as she gets older and her ability to reason develops she will eventually ease in to either comfort with dogs, tolerance, or avoidance.
09.20.08 @ 3:34 pm
Make sure your dog isn’t giving the child a reason to be afraid. Some dogs who are excited can scare a kid even if they are friendly. If your dog tends to be a more excited dog, take him for a long walk, play fetch…to get him tired before friends come over. Then instruct the kids to ignore the dog. I know my girls(a lab and newfoundland) act their best when people ignore them first.
If the child and his or her parents want no part of getting them over their fear then what can you really do? Maybe taking your dog for a walk with the fearful child’s family may work then the dog and child are both focusing on something else while still being together. In time the kid may see there is nothing to fear.
09.21.08 @ 9:37 pm
As a mother of 3 yr old twin girls who are both irrationally afraid of dogs, I am stunned by many of the comments on this blog. While I would like my kids to get past this fear, and I try many different ways to do it, fear in little kids is just that - irrational - and I find the dismissal of that fear just plain rude and mean. I get it that pets are part of your faimly, but if you invite us over, isn’t there some responsibility as a host to create a hospitable environment for guests? There have been many times when we go for playdates that dogowners simply open the front door and let their dogs go leaping out or stand barking at the newcomers - what a scary greeting for little kids. What is the harm in making the kids feel comfortable for a couple of hours? I’ve even had well intentioned dogowners appoint themselves as the ones who will “cure” my kids, by allowing thier dogs to wander back into the room or stay at the top of the steps, all of which only serve to terrorize the kids and make them feel on edge the whole playdate. If we were talking about pet pythons wouldn’t you find that mean and insensitive? Or if my kids were allergic, would you simply hand them tissues and tell them to “get over it”? Remember, we didn’t wander into your home…you invited us!
09.23.08 @ 2:16 pm
I don’t have anyone that is afraid of any of my animals. Well other than the snake but he isn’t allowed to roam around the house so unless you go where his cage is we have no problem. I do however have people that have allergies to my cats. When they come over I put my cats in a room where all of their food, litter, toys, and such stuff are. I would not put my animals outside just because it infridges on someone else. All of my children, my friends children, and well all the children that I know are not afraid of pretty much anything. Possibly because I currently own a dog, snake, 3 cats, lizard, and whatever insects my children find in the back yard begging to keep it for a few days. We go online find out about it and then set it free the next day. If it is an animal that I have not approved them to handle they know not to touch it. If they do not know the owner or it is a stray that comes into our lawn they know to come and get me instead of approaching the animal. So ultimately I think education on the subject (animals) is the key.
09.23.08 @ 7:13 pm
I have a dog which is a variety of mixes and according to Doc, my TX Aggie grad vet, Annabel is a true mix of a lot of dog. She was a rescue dog who was thrown out on the side of a busy industrial street on a hot August day 6 years ago. Talk about lucking out to be picked up by a kind hearted warehouse guy. Only it was me that got lucky when I dared to look to into a box to see what was scrabbling about. I thought it was a rat but it turned out to be this beautifuly baby girl puppy. I brought her home with no idea what to call her and my sister took one look at her and said “That’s Annabel.” She looked up and sighed as she snuggeld under my chin in agreement. Her heart to mine for sure.
She was so easy to bottle feed, clean her puppy paws and stroke her ears and paws to make her sleep. She learned to eat what we called puppy gruel and go potty on puppy training pads until one day she sniffed them disdainfully and went to the back door and woofed to go outside.
She has never had an accident in the house but she is a chewer and I can’t tell you how hard I had to child proof the house but she still manages to get ahold of things she shouldn’t and I grab the bottle of peroxide. Parents keep ipicac and I have peroxide.
She is my baby for sure. She went through several dog beds and chewed them up but now she sleeps on the end of my bed with her own pillow and blanket.
Annabel is the best dog anyone could ever have. Annabel Leigh and proud of it. She was with us three years ago when we tried to get out of town for a hurricane barreling down on the Texas Gulf Coast. She rides in a car very well and she remained calm as long as I stayed calm. I had to because of my elderly Mother because we had a car to overheat and could not get out of Houston.
This time we rode out the storm, Hurricane Ike but it was the last time I shall ever stay for a storm. That backside of the storm was worse than anyone could have ever predicted. We were without lights for 9 days and it was hot for some of those days. Annabel loves the a.c. and when we had to get into the truck to cool off, of course she went with us to cool off. She hated the hot house. When we went to my brother’s house to stay one night, we slept on an air mattress and woke up to Annabel between me and Grandma. Granny didn’t mind.
She was so good during the storm. She sat in the hall with us and didn’t try to run or bark or get hysterical. We stayed calm and she stayed calm. I think it stressed her as much as it did us but we have getting her back into her routine and I think that is good. The special treat that perked her up was a sample of Nutrish which we gave to her a few kibbles at a time. I turned my back for a minute and she got the sample package off the couch and had her nose in the bag. I believe Annabel has put her seal of approval on Nutrish.
I come everyday from work and she is sitting at the fence wagging her tail and wriggling her body and making little noises like she hasn’t seen me for months. You cant beat a homecoming like that and when you have a dog like Annabel, you have love. I am glad that Rachael Ray is going to help rescue animals. There are some who need it because of neglect and abuse and there are some who are homeless because of storms. All need help. My dog Annabel will eat Nutrish from now on and in honor of all dogs who need help and homes and love. She herself knows this all too well.
09.26.08 @ 4:18 pm
Dog experts tell people to socialize their dogs so that they are not fearful and insecure. I would think that the same theory would apply to children, even adults. I was nervous around pit bulls until my next door neighbor got a pit bull puppy. Now, two years later I realize pits raised with love are just as sweet and lovable as any other dog.
09.30.08 @ 4:11 pm
Socialization and education are the keys whether for the dog or children. I have had both small and large dogs, and some children seem terrified even of a well-trained, leashed, eight pound Papillon. I believe that some people will always have pets - cats, dogs, birds, etc. and it would be better for children to learn that animals have the right to be here as they do and if they had more knowledge, wouldn’t be as frightened. In many cases, the fright is instigated and perpetuated by the parents, who by picking up and cuddling their child who is frightened without cause, are thus rewarding the little one for being frightened - they then learn that screaming, etc. when seeing a dog means good things from parents, and they are right to panic. Children have to learn to get along with many different people, and animals are no different. It is up to the owner of the dog to oversee any interaction and that neither dog nor child is to be upset.
10.23.08 @ 9:55 pm
Regarding #18 response. I don’t think that anyone is dismissing the childrens fear, but fear is most often bred by lack of knowledge regarding a certain subject. Letting an animal just roam around those who are afraid is not the way to ‘cure’ a child. Some people will always be afraid of dogs and fear often breeds a mistreatment of animals. This is why so many people are adamant about children getting used to animals. They don’t have to like animals, but they should also learn to tolerate their presence. Often if a child squeels or shudders or runs, this will invoke a chase instinct in a dog (even though they are not intending to hurt, they are just playing). If you want children to get used to animals, participate in it actively. Do not just let the animal roam or tell the children to pet the dog. Sit with the dog on the floor with your arm around it and then ask the children to approach from behind. Very often children are afraid of being bitten and thus afraid of the head. Keep the dog facing forward and let them pet their back. This eliminates the face to face fear - especially with larger dogs. Also, if you are on the ground very close and touching the dog, subconsiously people will know that you are there and can restrain the animal if something should happen - they also think ‘wow if you can be that close than he might not be so bad’. Best of luck. Also with dog if you cannot get the children used to him - rahter than putting him outside, keep him inside in a room where he can still see everything, but block him with a pet gate. This lets him feel like he is still involved and hasn’t done anything wrong and been tossed outside as a punishment. (This may also help children get accustomed to his presence in a distant way).